TheRe'S goNNa bE a GreAT AwaKenINg!

2012-02-13T08:44:00.001-08:00

GFY

2012-02-04T10:30:00.000-08:00

One day, she's gonna find a man she love, get married.. so this is how a father feels, walking down the isle with his daughter, giving her hand to someone else.

-benji

2012-01-12T22:06:00.000-08:00

Everything is temporal.

~~Wait~~

I dont understand.

2012-01-03T08:33:00.000-08:00

Wanted to start off this post by thanking these important people in my life. My dearest primary school mates, we've seen each other grow up and every meet up, we never fail to play some childhood games, like hard attack this time round, visit some of our hangout places near sembawang primary, talk bout the stupid stuffs we did back then and laugh our asses off at each other. well this year, a new category of girlfriends/boyfriends have been added. lol. questioning them and seeing their awkward faces are really entertaining i have to say. love you guys(: I guess we're the simplest when we're together.

I've never thought I would be on a plane to the states with no family members with me. But this trip has indeed been the most memorable one, filled with fun loving people and chit chatting/ singing sessions as we walk down the streets with freezing temperatures. Thank you awesome people, lets try our best to keep in touch, because i will miss your crappy jokes and your "trying to convince me the pacific ocean is the swimming pool at your backyard". haha. lets have singing sessions in our dearest singapura, it'll be fun!

2011-12-06T06:52:00.001-08:00

You know, occasionally, there are guys whom you go crazy over?

Guys who can impress you with his talents,

make you think that they are perfect though you know they are imperfect.

They try to cover their major flaws by telling you their small and insignificant ones

just so you would think they are real towards you.

and you sincerely think you like them very much.

Its just human.

so dont fall for every guy that comes in your way and blow your feet off the ground.

let time show their character.

what they really stand for and who they really are.

whats the point of relationships when they come to an end?

amicably or not.

Life has much more purpose than trying to search who or what's next for you.

maybe, you'd say, i've never been in a relationship and i'll never understand.

maybe im just too void of emotions to feel anything about everything.

But one thing im sure of, never be led by emotions. Because complaints and heartbreaks and a self indulgent heart are what follows after.

this is definitely not applicable to all. just a random recurring thought.

2011-12-01T08:50:00.001-08:00

I dont understand why childish girls

like to jump into conclusions about people

and feel like they are the ones being judged,

while it is actually them who has set the decision bout others

jumping into conclusions about them a lil too fast.

2011-11-20T06:17:00.001-08:00

Bye po po.

People always say that I look very much like you and I always agree. And my agreement isn't just a superficial one. Because deep down inside I feel a deep connection with you. Though I dont understand a thing you're saying everytime and talking to you is awkward, but I cherish you. You have brought up all your children so well. Simple lives, simple minded. To think back you must have been an awesome mum, bringing your children up like that. To know that there is still real love and real relationships and real trust in this world.

I will miss you dearly. Your smile especially.

2011-11-19T07:15:00.001-08:00

"Beatrix, you are going to be a successful person. Do you know you are going to be a successful person?" I shook my head. "Trust me, I've seen so much, I know things."

Mrs Lucas, thank you so much for saying that. a few years ago I may have just nodded my head because I was so sure of myself. But things change. What I had went through changed me so much as a person, so many humbling experiences only to learn of them in hindsight.

The first month of a new semester has ended. Had never imagined night class to turn out so well. No wonder they always say that a man's wisdom is more foolish than God's foolishness.
Thank you Lord, for a wonderful public speaking class. We're the right people at the right place at the right time. I dont know for what reason you have planned this, for this would come and go, just like any other relationships. But there's a reason why we're all connected. We might believe in different things, different courses and academic years, but something clicked. And I am not responsible to find out why, just responsible to touch whichever lives I can, impact wherever I can.

oh how patient you are

2011-11-13T17:29:00.001-08:00

Im just barely scraping the surface.

2011-11-11T09:07:00.001-08:00

One can never ask too many 'why's.

But through it all, every situation that has happened or is to come is a lesson yet to learn.

God, I'm heavy hearted and I need your wisdom in such a time as this. It isn't the end of the world, just that we have yet to see what You have in mind while putting us through all there.

Thank you Lord, knowing you're in control pretty much settles everything. (:

2011-11-08T21:35:00.000-08:00

God, I'm so grateful for the little things I missed previously.

The late night talk with Josh before he went into army at Macs, how it came so easily to share bout our life and thoughts so honestly even after not meeting up for God knows how long. Time away always teaches us to realise how important and deep the friendship is.

Thank you for the facebook chat with Odette, because I didn't think it came easy. But it is so awesome to know that we are, regardless of church or whatever, striving to help one another to be more and more like you. Humbled and heartened.

The simple supper with Xinyun after night class.

And how to forget Joan, someone im so close to to be able to call sister, those random 1 hour shopping, or going to her house for breakfast though we are not exactly neighbours, just meeting because we're so comfortable with each other's presence.

All these unexpected turns in life and unexpected friendships, God, xie xie ni.

2011-11-01T19:28:00.000-07:00

Time flies. Its 1 November 2011. the year is coming to an end when it feels like it barely started. Oh, how fast change has came and none of us had the time to react to it, let alone embrace it. Let not living life as it is be my guide, life to the fullest is.

2011-10-30T06:39:00.000-07:00

Because today is the day, you have made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.

God, its so beautiful. everything you have created. The view right out of my study desk while im having cough and flu and sore throat. What a day. Thank you for giving me rest and a beautiful day without rain.

Perfect Sunday, spent with family and friends. (: Grateful

2011-10-25T19:12:00.000-07:00

and I wanna come back home.

I've forgotten when was the last time since the four of us, including vivien, spent time together. Just that simple time home together made me realise how far we've came. I thank God for friendship's like these, where depth is not dependent on the time we spent with one another but the trust we had built over the years. knowing we have one another on mind is both heartening and assuring at the same time. Thank you. Cant thank you enough.

2011-10-20T10:23:00.000-07:00

WHATEVER I DO
WORK AT IT
WITH ALL MY HEART
AS IF WORKING FOR THE LORD
NOT FOR MEN

2011-10-17T21:37:00.000-07:00

Done. Busy 2 months passed unknowingly. I thank God for all those friendships i've forged and i thank God for the lessons i've learnt with the ones i've lost. Now with time in my hands, i could finally plan meetups and set some foundation right in the land and the hearts of people. zhe ji ge yue bu jian dan. gan chu hen shen. cant wait to spend quality time with You at starbucks later!(:

2011-10-12T09:49:00.000-07:00

I might just die.

God, everytime I feel like giving up, everything around me that has your fingerprints screams "DONT GIVE UP".

The clouds and its ever changing hues

The waters and their depths

The skyline, the trees, the flowers, the music, the people..

You just never seem to give up on me or just let me be.

Thank you.

emotional angsty random post

2011-10-01T10:47:00.000-07:00

God, somethings just doesn't have to be too complex. Trust. Love. Go the distance. Try. I don't think I would ever forget this period of time. competing against time. deadlines and submissions, dance trainings 6 days in a week, work, screwed up systems, troubled heart. Worst of all, not knowing the solutions to these problems. But Im just a human, and you've got all things worked out. I could wallow in self pity all I want and say that I have all the rights to but somehow I know something good is going to happen out of this. something I can feel in my bones. I dont know what and I dont know when. something's gonna emerge outta this shit.

CHRISTIANS WITHOUT CHRIST IS NOTHING. God, being like christ isnt just being nice. It means we have the power the ability the conviction the strength to stand up for things we believe in. Nice isnt good enough, its never good enough. Jesus was more than that, that im sure.

2011-08-10T03:37:00.000-07:00

i hope i could be at different places at the same time.

theres church, dance, school, friends, family. Im trying to balance everything and sadly, its impossible. there is a possibility of disappointing some people somehow along the way. if not this time round, then the next. we only can choose which one we want to focus on time to time. pleasing everyone would kill you inside, and tear you apart.

God, sorry to complain to you again, but damn, I really wanna do many things. No one freaking cares in the lg. even if there are those who cares, who would encourage them to initiate, to have fun, to hang out? screwed shit. i dont feel my leader is leading the group somewhere, or bringing growth to anyone. tertiary has much more potential than it thinks it has. Its shortchanging itself and your church.

dance has been more of a burden now. how i wish i could just dance all day. but right now it is taking away my time and its killing me inside while i dance. i wanna improve, Lord, help me gain a new perspective of dancing all over again.

Never had time for my school friends, i feel guilty for always rushing off and not spending enough time to even build a friendship. school work isnt tough, its the enormity of all the things aded up tgh that makes me scream inside.

had been spending a lot of time with friends in church. and had to disappoint them recently. God, its tough to do so. but this is the truth of the situation. i couldn't always set my time out for them

my family has been my greatest blessing, knowing i have a home to go to is not to be taken for granted. i wanna spend more time with them, know them more, like they are really family, not strangers living under one roof. I wanna be there with them and for them more.

so little time. so many people. so many things i wanna do. God, when would i get out of this vicious cycle?

a post done with much thoughts, little consideration.

2011-07-24T01:49:00.000-07:00

GIVE
YOU
ALL
THE
GLORY.

2011-06-26T07:13:00.000-07:00

THE BIBLE AINT SO MUCH A LOVE LETTER AS MUCH AS IT IS A PLEA FROM GOD FOR THE WORLD TO OPEN THEIR EYES TO SEE THAT THE HOLE IN THEIR HEART, ONLY HE CAN FILL

lord, i love you, i really do

2011-06-01T19:26:00.000-07:00

I am randomly looking forward to my 21st. Cause that marks my decade in christ and of course, my adulthood. haha. not so sure bout being happy for the second part though.

I MISS BK/:

had a random chat with joan hoe and realised how much I missed the times North hanged out at BK, 24/7. Many new friendships were forged as we studied there, danced outside, played the guitar and sang, hop from table to table to disturb those who were studying. Had countless of shepherdings and meetings there. and debating sessions with a few of them. Though, yes, we did create quite a lot of trouble during that period of time. Well, I guess its just what memories and nostalgia can do to people- make everything seem so beautiful. I remember travelling straight down to BK directly aft school everyday and know, for sure, that someone's gonna be there, weekday or weekends. It pains me to know that the place of fellowship isn't there anymore. Now getting to see people-people whom I care- has became so tough. we have to MAKE time, FIND time, etc etc.. bleagh, shall just end here. since this is personal space, i shall let my random thoughts have random endings.

2011-05-16T10:34:00.000-07:00

I'd prefer holding a bible in hand than scrolling down my phone.
I'd prefer a handwritten letter in my mailbox than an e-mail in my inbox.
I'd prefer talking to you over a cup of coffee than from a screen.
I'd prefer a picture printed and framed than tagged and liked.

zhen shi gan.

its so obvious, people dont see it.

we all think that only we ourselves feel this way. but doesn't the likes on the facebook post show that we all feel the same way?

then why are we still treating others as if they were any lesser than us or that they would not ever understand us?

2011-05-09T09:16:00.000-07:00

I never said thank you for that, I thought I might get one more chance.

To my past shepherds, Carmen, Jogina, Christine, Joyce, Sharlene. Thank you for all the efforts you took to grow me, and watching me grow from a new believer in primary 5 till now.(: so many had happened, specific details I may have forgotten, but looking at those past cards you've written, I just thank God for placing you in my life to encourage me, to point out what I was good in and what I was not. You are the one who saw my oh so obvious flaws but still love me all the same(: im so grateful for you!

To my past sheeeeeeep, anqi, ace, sherry, rebecca neo, rebecca ng huan wen, rachel tay, caroline, ellina, jinlin, debbie, yan xia, yu wen, and many many more. Thank you for trying to understand me, to play with me when I give the (oh so xinru kinda) sian face. I hope you'll remember that I am your friend and we'll continue helping one another in our life!

To wo de hao peng you men, I really do cherish you guys(girls) dearly. If only we all had all the time in the world to hang out and talk and have endless of overnights. But Im so so so glad we have each other, that we had times together that wouldnt feel right if anyone else other than you were there. Wait, this is starting to get mushy. haha. just know that you are important to me, and I have your back. Thank you for understanding me and correcting me so I can grow with yall. (:

Im not trying to make this post sound as if the friendships around me are all sweet and nice, but yeah, to explain all the nitty gritty lousy stuff would take a day to finish. haha.

2011-05-07T09:07:00.000-07:00

maybe or maybe be.

everyone looks good from afar. we present ourselves at best. we try to say some surface stuff like "arggh I have bad temper" or act weird/crazy once in a while so our friends dont think that we're trying too hard to come across as perfect.

i cant wait actually, to find out your struggles your flaws and your failures. not because I can then put you down, but it is then I know the real you. not to judge you but so I am sure my friend isnt trying to keep up with any image when Im with him/her. Guess we all do appreciate that.

I hope I'm not being sceptical by typing what I typed above. Just some of the many random thoughts that I have in mind since tertiary education.

2011-04-04T09:20:00.000-07:00

I'm enjoying blogger so much more now, cause the hype bout it is over for years.

And for those who discover this post, lets just say good for you. haha.

Its late nights like this that I start being nostalgic. Well, guess that's what the night do to a person. Thinking bout keat joan xy and myself, our friendship. How hard to come by, how hard to maintain, yet how easily to slip past cause of all of our busy-ness. Think of vivien and joyce and all the ultraman, try to figure out if what they feel towards ultraman is the same as I. Then think bout people like Josh and Bridge, if they ever feel stuck in the middle of nowhere with no one to listen and understand and empathize with them on a constant basis. Then of the grads group, if they would keep to their covenant they made at marina barrage, to watch over each other, to find time for one another.. Wonder if they remember those moments they spent tgh were the results of everyone's participation and time spent planning. Again think of my ex shepherds/ leaders, how are they doing in God, how are they coping in life. Then think of what I can do, to know all of them a lil more deeper, a lil better than before, rather than just mask ourselves behind a "I'm doing fine" or share some surface struggles to satisfy the ears of the people who posed those questions to you.

I sound like some naggy grandma more than a seventeen year old teenager.

I hope people would put their money and time where their mouth is. If you ever made a promise to stand by someone, then freaking well set time aside, and money if you need to. groups after groups, shepherds aft shepherds, change is the only constant. isnt it? So no use saying (complaining) that friendships are never gonna get deep cause when you started growing roots, you get plucked out and shifted. cause what you need to do is put in effort in maintaining a friendship. If everyone else feels the same way you do, doesnt it occur to you that people also want to feel connected, be part of a real and long friendship? there. you found your comrades. so stop whining.

Past weeks at Tp have been really enjoyable. partially cause there are no shoes to fill, but most importantly, though we dont say it, we are all supporting each other cause we are all transfers, and we better make the best of what we have now. Cutting the story short and setting thought aside, Im looking forward to God using me to impact the school Im in!(:

2011-03-29T08:06:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLGiTV2oP10&feature=feedu

maybe you can play this song to set the mood for my post(: haha.

Finally all birthday celebrations are over, all candles blown, and all wishes prayed for. I just wanted to take time to thank the many many people who celebrated for me. Every time in this year, I get so emotional cause I can imagine the effort taken to plan and execute, and the many many brain cells killed just to think bout it.

Firstly, Thank you PEARLYN TEO AND RACHEL LIM for buying that strawberry shortcake and having breakfast together at Northpoint's mac! haha. im really really touched, to have primary school friends who still care enough(: enjoyed the lousy cam whoring outside the toilet with i-phone and polariod. hahaha. LOVE YOU!

Thank you KEATO who planned my entire day on my birthday, from 10am to 10pm, coordinating with many many people and doing video with KOK(!!!) till 5am in the morn. Thank you, really felt loved and touched for those lil things like editing and cutting and choosing all the westlife songs i love(: and and and, contacting my SPS mates to send in their wishes.

Thank you JINJYUE for wanting to make breakfast for me and got condemned my keat saying that it wont work. lol. ended up having breakfast at macs with you(: enjoyed the muffin you heated up for me! thankyou dear. waking up early isn't your forte, i know. (: hahaha.

Thank you CYRIL, you know I love Koi and ban mian! Though I only had my breakfast an hour before i met you and im too full to have koi, the ban mian made me feel super loved too!(: Thanks for travelling to toa payoh just to bring me to have my fave food!

Thank you VIVIEN, DEBBIE, YILIN AND JOY (not to forget jyue too)! You girls are officially my K-boxing buddies! enjoyed my time singing and doing silly stuff with you girls in the k-box room, singing 'barbie girl' and going high during those clubbing songs that viv chooses. haha. Most importantly, its time, its the time you choose to sacrifice to meet up for that few hours that really touched me!(:

Thank you JOSHUA, VIVIEN LIM AND KEAT for coming down after your activities and have dinner at ichiban with me(: enjoyed the short catch up with my generation of people, knowing what is happening in your lives. being able to be part of that part of your life, is enough for me(:

Thank you DAVID HOE for cabbing down just to say a happy birthday.

thanks friends, I know there are people like you I can count on when it comes to major storms in my life.

Thank you JOSHUA again for that starbucks coffee at my door at 6plus in the morning. The first thing i received for my birthday! Thanks for travelling down to my house!

Thank you DK and SHARLENE for the video you sent in and all the words you spoke to encourage me and spur me on(: thanks for leading me and believing in me, that i could change and i could realise my potential. I will remember those words, and the effort and heart you took into growing me ever so patiently.

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Thank you gor gor, for getting me a cake for my birthday. that was really unexpected(: apprciate it a lot!thankyou jie jie for wishing me happy birthday early in the morn, the moment i woke up. we rarely talk bout heart to heart stuff, but that 'happy birthday' did make me smile(:

Thank you daddy for being there to celebrate my birthday though your injury makes it hard for you to travel. Thank you da buo fu for treating me to JUMBO! da buo mu for the ang bao, and wan yu, my cousin for being there.

thank you mummy for the meal you treated me at Manhattan Fish market. (: its always tough to spend personal time with you, but i will try best!

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Thank you TP transfers (we really need a new name) for celebrating my birthday! really unexpected. Thanks for all those who planned it, and those "eeeediots" (viv and yi yong) for cheating me! haha. Loved how you used OHP in the dark room and the 2 rows by the door. Thank you LILING who made the cookie cake, and DILLON who brought coffee bean cakes and rushing down after work. I don't know who to name next, but xie xie, im really touched!

Thank you the dancers in OSCHOOL who wished me happy birthday! and helped me finish all the cakes i brought there. haha, never thought we would be all so gum. Thank God for putting us all together and being able to be more than just strangers taking the same dance course together. You make me look forward to Thursdays!

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Thank you WEILOONG, WEI KEAT, CYRIL AND JIA JUN, though that day was to celebrate jj's bday, i still wanna thank you for that dinner and walking me home and that "BYE XINRU!" that travelled to the 7th floor. yes, my neighbour heard it. haha.

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Thank you EX WOODLANDS BABES who put my fav salmon sushi outside my house and a whole bunch of cards in the morning(: Lets continue serving God together! I've read those cards and I pray we will not forget our promise!

Thank you ULTRAMAN. you are a major part of my life, Then and Now. Then, we were all serving in the same team, same group, same district, same focus, same goals. Now we are all in different life stations, different plans for the future, different concerns. some are working, some are studying, some aspire to be accountants, some bankers, some business woman, some hasnt had any plans. some gave up serving God halfway, but came back knowing why they are serving. some are running with convictions, some, with empty tanks. Yet through these all i know i can always count on you. Back then, we were little girls who thought restructuring would mark the end of us. People looked at us and thought we would get over with all those emotional stuff and move on. But I'm proud to say we hadn't gave up on US. All 8 of us. Through all those tough times, we still accepted, still loved.

Thank you CELINE, WANTING, JOAN, JOGINA, JOYCE, VIVIEN, VALERIE. my birthday nor not, thank you.

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Lord, I pray I'll never take all of these people for granted.

2011-02-26T19:27:00.001-08:00

When the last farewell is done, the last bit of affirmation over, what sticks are those who serves God with passion and clings on to the promises they made. yeah, easier said than done of course. I can't even promise I'll keep up with my friends from 10 years ago, 10 years from now. Well, transition is one of the best times to realise yourself, where does your relationship with God and man really stand.

have been a Christian for 5 years, 2 months, 1 week, 3 days and approximately 21 hours. My journey hasn't even started, so it'll be outright dumb to end it before it has really begun. Many are excited to move on, a new environment, a new culture, a breath of fresh air. Yet how long would this last me/you? To serve God till the end requires more than just an adrenaline rush, or some made up cliche wordings or beliefs built around our life to convince ourselves that we're 'alright' and serving for the 'right cause' or its 'worth it'.

really. Seeing so many people come and leave before my eyes, you see how important growing your roots deep is. Shallow roots can't grow tall and lasting trees.

its the fire purifying gold now.

now it seems like I'm the one making transition seem like a big thing. haha.

On a 'lighter' note to the grads group, I really do love you all a lot. yes, we do have a fair share of conflicts, and those inevitable gossipy gossipy stuff. trust me, ten years from now we look back and think that all these are a huge joke. Thank you for providing me this avenue to just play and let loose. Without having to worry bout 'who will come lg', 'what i have to say later', 'how to lift up the atmosphere' kinda questions running through my head. I love that we can play blind mice like nobody's business and go home with sweaty backs and a smile plastered over our faces. Jinjyue's house was filled with laughter that night. (: still have many that I've forgotten, but that was one of the unforgettable ones.(:

let God be Lord over our lives, and we'll see how he brings us together in the future!(:

2011-01-17T08:59:00.000-08:00

Thank you Jesus for 16/1/2011. Guess you planned this gathering to celebrate jinlin's birthday as a different one for all of us. Was at west coast just yesterday, and wanted to try out the facilities there. Got to make friends with these three children, and knew quite a lot bout them cause they were actually quite a talkative bunch. haha. so let me do the honor of introducing them to you. The oldest amongst them is a P4 boy named kelvin, and his younger brother michael who is 6. and their friend feng mei who's P3. The brothers live in Sembawang by the way! hahaha.
I got a chance to revisit my childhood, playing "mango" and "ice and freeze" with them. seeing them quarrel over the rules of the game, and how they should explain it to us reminded me a lot of myself when i was younger. The nostalgia of running in a playground and the 'fear' of being caught by the 'catcher' made me realize how long i had not embraced the inner 'xinru', the adventure seeking and recklessly playful one.
After the game, michael was stubbornly sitting on the ground and demanding for water (in a very cute way actually. haha) he kept whining "thirsty.. thirsty.." and his older brother went "ok, you walk over then that jie jie will give you water kay?" *michael shakes head* "ok, then gor gor carry you over?" *shakes head again* so i pulled michael up and got him to walk with me. when he stood up. kelvin dusted michael's pants and held his hand.
wha, in my mind I cant stop smiling. i feel so proud of this ten year old guy who has already cultivated such responsibility within him. Lord, i pray i would get to meet them soon, these people whom you had placed in my path. what a pity they have no handphones.. but God, thank you for them, for placing such an obvious reminder for all of us.(:

2011-01-10T07:25:00.000-08:00

"Lord i really dont know how to write a song
I'm not always eloquent sometimes i get it wrong
but the thing you're doing in me I can't describe
what a fool I'll be if i choose to hide this transformation
new motivation
I thought that we were close
I known you all this time
but i was just living my life my way
just getting by
thought that if i do a good deed or two
that was enough to please you
I kept the parts i wanted to
and missed out on the real you."
"So now with every step and every breath
I give it all hold nothing back
with all i am this is my choice
to live to worship you
now with all my heart my soul my mind
I love you leave it all behind
to live my life in awe of you
is the least that i can do."
-shall be the theme song of my year-

2010-11-05T08:22:00.000-07:00

hello my dearest blog. i've neglected you and im glad i did so.
guess no one pays any visit to you anymore and im glad that happened too.

所以，今晚你陪着我吧。
我心很痛。看着他们我心很痛很痛。老爸，你能了解吗？
男人有尊严，那我很了解。但我们都是人，都会痛，都会有感觉。为什么为了尊严而选择伤害？
我了解，又很不了解。老爸，你能告诉我吗？我很想很想听听你的意见。听听你的心跳，看我能听得出你有多伤心。
吵架的感觉很陌生，心冰冰的，认识，却又不认识。曹扎的心情只有你能明白。
是，在世上没人是万能的。
就因为这样，我们更因该去珍惜，去体谅，去爱，去坦白，去拥有。
就因为这样，我们不能把身边的人当作理所当然。
有希望才能失望，有欢笑才能哭泣，有爱才又恨的资格。
生命有了‘朋友’才能精彩，才能放胆的去做想要的事。
不要在伤害了，该说的是谢谢。
大家该说的是谢谢。

2010-06-01T05:33:00.000-07:00

IM TOTALLY LOVING THIS

HOPE HAS A WARRIOR

2010-04-20T03:00:00.000-07:00

sometimes there aint too much to say

growing up always seem so surreal, like your heart cant fast forward to catch up with your age.

sometimes, maybe many times, what we need is a shoulder to lean on.

take time to stare out of the window, notice the little details around you,

the different tints and hues of colours that change when the sun sets,

the people busily crossing the road, the woman with a baby pram and a smile on her face as her husband holds her hand.

the man with receeding hairline and a briefcase, the little boy with his oversized schoolbag yet having a glee on his face as he chases his friend around.

Its then when you are looking at the world through the lenses of an artist.

Maybe compassion and love cant be frantically found,

maybe it has to be discovered, lil by lil, day by day.

2010-04-02T17:45:00.000-07:00

CHOREOGRAPHER'S BALL

this is a week of dancing.

went to watch my first ever dance performance in my life.

every single part of it was exciting. from getting my ticket from bridget(!!!!) as a birthday present, to the walk in till the end of everything.

It's the effort and the passion for the dance that one will see at the very end. loved the last piece put together by Andy J. it was definitely breathtaking. Seeing the dancers giving their all to just maximise the choreography to its fullest potential, its fantastic. (:

for now, i've got to level up my skills!!!

keep dancing, keep improving.

2010-03-22T18:32:00.000-07:00

and not to forget the 16 people who came with a rose and a disc each(:

anqi, xueyong, vivien, wei keat, yiyong, jericho, nicholas, joshua, yong qing, joan, david hoe, bridget, theophila, sharlene, jian hao and jiajun(:

2010-03-22T16:51:00.000-07:00

MY BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION WITH THE 4 WHO STARTED CCHY TOGETHER WITH ME!!
they did a wonderful job in surprising me with the "one less lonely girl mv" style. haha.
thanks girls!!!!!

2010-02-17T03:38:00.000-08:00

Supernatural living kicks in when my energy ends and the energy of Christ begins.

-steven furtick

2010-02-05T01:05:00.000-08:00

three years, three years since we've talked like that.
there's a sudden surge of emotions in me as we walked under the pouring rain.
i remembered we always did that when we were in primary school.
(im gonna sound like a kid, but im still gonna say this)
I MISS SEMBAWANG PRIMARY SCHOOL
a lot a lot a lot a lot.
going to Bernice's house and doing those make shift high jump stuff with rope tied to the chairs, the fun in school till late evenings, Haziq who never fails to make me laugh (and get punished by mrs tan chia ling), the skipping trainings and the arguments with Yee peng, when we cursed Roger(our coach) when he scolded us, the gruelling 4 hours higher chinese lessons after school by Mdm Toh aka Ah Du, the time i got into trouble with gangsters when i was in P4, the guy who chased me but i chased to the police post, the chinese dance lessons with Mdm Chen and the bunch of fun loving chinese dancers (Pearlyn teo, Rebecca neo, Rachel lim, Emalia lau etc), the yee mee sold only on wednesdays by store 2, the bus ride after SYF to sps where we all squeezed to the back of the bus, the P5A Talent time prformance, our rebellion against Mr Albert Alcantara Alferd, the look on Mrs tan's face when we scored exceptionally well for our PSLE, the time we sold popcorns for family day, how we made fun of Bernice who always bites her shirt (?!), the spamming of Bio-datas when P6 was coming to an end, and one day which we all arrived at school at 5.30 am, climbed through the class window to decorate the classroom for our teacher's b'day, the jogging sessions with Bernice and Rachel which ended up with singing everytime, the prefect duty which requires me to stand at the traffic junction to make sure kids raise up their hands while crossing the road, and the staff room duties with Fai on and pearleen, the Kun ming trip with my beloved friends, and we climbed the balcony to sneak up to our friends in their rooms, the badminton sessions at 5.30pm at the maze with Brendan, Louis, Jason, Wen xiang, Rachel and Bernice, and running home after that with rachel to catch "wang zi bian qing wa" at 7.30pm, the chinese drama i did with Rachel, Louis, Pearleen and Jason, and Mr Han (our principal) who drove us to sun plaza, bought a $40 wig for the drama and treated us to desserts because he wanted to encourage us, the day we sat in the hall waiting for the results to be announced, and the tear soaked face we had when we hugged each other and wished each other luck.
Thank you, because 2001 to 2006 were the best years of my life.

i miss you guys so so so much. RACHEL LIM, BERNICE BAY, LOUIS WONG, BRENDAN SIM, PEARLEEN YAP, YAN LIN, JASMINE, REBECCA NEO, WEN XIANG, DILLION, HAZIQ, PHOEBE, FARHAN, PREETHIKA., YEE PENG.

我想念的太多太多了。

2010-02-01T06:46:00.000-08:00

Dance.
always evokes a different emotion in me.
Thankyou Jesus, for creating this something in me
to let me express myself without constraints .

Dance is a song of the body. Either of joy or pain. ~Martha Graham.

2010-01-24T05:01:00.001-08:00

watch this!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-24T05:01:00.000-08:00

2010-01-18T07:16:00.000-08:00

"oooh can we chill~~"

updates on my life
im currently:
-going goo goo ga ga over westlife's coming concert in s'pore
-craving to watch autumn's concerto
-having a hard time disciplining myself to keep up to the pace of schoolwork
-reminiscing my SPS days. a lot.
-dancing. a lil too much.
-(randomly) looking forward to my birthday and i dont know why
-anticipating WOODLANDS' GROWTH
-praying harddddddddd!

but in any case, i thank God soooo soooo much for just being there for me throughout the past few weeks in school. yes, the work is overwhelming, the plannings will never end etc.
yet, there is always this strong assurance in my heart that says that it is possible.
thank you Jesus for being that solid rock that NEVER EVER fails me.
"through you i can do anything~~ i can do all things~~ cause it's you who gives me strength NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!"
im far from being any "firsts" but im fully assured of where God placed me, to influence, life by life. im no "first", yet im victorious cause i know what God wants me to do and am doing it(:

2009-12-28T06:24:00.000-08:00

its fun singing

"with Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm
smile at the storm
smile at the storm
with christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm as we go sailing home
sailing sailing home
sailing sailing home
with Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm as we go sailing home~~~~~"

for 14 times, with new people, with pure heart(:

2009-12-10T05:16:00.000-08:00

THANK YOU
JIA JUN and WEI KEAT-who bought 3 big red apples for me! haha
JUN LIN, JIN LIN, XUE QING, JUN JIE, BIN HUA- who came down to my house to pray for me aft a tiring day at marina barrage and holding Mlg.
LI YAN-who bought porridge!
JOYCE TAN!!! thank you for sending me home all the way from boon lay to sembawang, right up to my doorstep and taking mrt home to boon lay again. im really touched(:

im thankful for this family of God(:
i hope through all these visitations, it will improve my mum's view towards the church too.

2009-12-07T06:16:00.000-08:00

"You must have had a broken heart, to love me the way You do"

2009-12-03T08:27:00.001-08:00

a video i saw from vaness wu's blog(:

2009-11-21T09:44:00.000-08:00

The Art Of Striking A Balance.

2009-11-19T08:44:00.000-08:00

many a times the reason why i dread to blog is that i have to let my sentences make sense to people.(yes, and make it sound nice)

but, in any case, im not in the state of mind to come up with good english to contain my thoughts.
YAY(: finally things are more or less settled down in woodlands and im soooooo excited for the structure and what God's gonna do in woodlands.
WOODLANDS= 我的LAND (wodeland)
everything's gonna be taken a level higher in these remaining days of 2009 and the year to come. cause simply, we were chosen and called for a purpose. because woodlands deserves to grow, i mean, which land doesn't?

im HAPPY, EXCITED! hahahahaha. there's so much potential in this land that has yet to be released. da jia, jiayou le. it's gonna be tough. DAVID HOE, JOSHUA YAP, BEATIX TAY, 要咬紧牙根！撑下去！

welcome on board JIANHAO, LI YAN, SHERRY!
we'll build a new woodlands, a woodlands God wanted it to be(:

2009-10-22T09:12:00.000-07:00

sometimes God hardens our heart to soften it.
haha, i dont know how to let you make sense of it,
maybe i should say,
God hardens our heart to show us that we can be defeated without Him.
thus our hearts get softened(:

2009-10-20T06:12:00.000-07:00

NORTH C'S FIRST EVER BABES MEET

haha(:
BUILDING STRONG BIBLICAL, WORD CENTERED WOMAN IN NORTH C
if we want to, nothing can stop us.
yes, we are a bunch of stubborn people, lets start to be stubborn
to forcefully advance the kingdom of God!
we dont need sweet girls (oh, there're tons of them everywhere) the kingdom of God needs women who will set their minds on BUILDING THE KINGDOM RIGHT.
jiayou(:

2009-10-14T22:27:00.000-07:00

hold fast to dreams
for if dreams die
life is a broken-winged bird
that cannot fly

hold fast to dreams
for if dreams go
life is a barren field
frozen with snow

2009-10-11T20:55:00.000-07:00

跳绳。

跳舞。

爽！

2009-10-10T20:14:00.000-07:00

North C x3

our promise.
we shall not enter December camp, defeated

2009-09-25T10:39:00.000-07:00

i pray that you will save them too.
im fearful, yet anticipating(:

2009-09-25T10:09:00.000-07:00

one of the happiest time in my life.
friendships were forged,
yes, there were inevitable quarrels
yet God's love and acceptance overrules.
yes, we started out hating one another(haha)
yet God's love and acceptance prevailed.
yes, we were selfish, unforgiving, insensitive
yet God's love and acceptance was evident.

Lord, please tell me this isn't the end.

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

i'll... be a friend.

2009-08-28T02:37:00.000-07:00

the walls are not there to show how much can we not do, its not there to emphasize on our limitations, the walls are for to show how much we desire something.

2009-08-10T08:30:00.000-07:00

how can one feel disappointed, excited, worried, discontented, frustrated, unsettled, anxious, puzzled, agitated, all about the same thing.

God, you you you............ You argggghhhh, you do what you wanna do. just give me that "go ahead" sign.

2009-08-06T02:35:00.000-07:00

LORD IM AMAZED BY YOU
LORD IM AMAZED BY YOU
LORD IM AMAZED BY YOU
AND HOW YOU LOVE ME

its the victory cry before the battle begins.

2009-07-17T09:02:00.000-07:00

I was tagged, so.. here goes:(Though it’ll most probably bore you out. Heh)
#1: xinru is my name

#2: beatrix is my baptism name

#3: i love to read

#4: My favourite colours are any earth colours

#5: Im starting to love red

#6: Im always lazy to cut my nails

#7: I sincerely dislike kids

#8: I love taking pictures

#9: I can’t deal with numbers.

#10: I’m a technology illiterate
#11: I sing (not very well)

#12: I laugh at my own jokes (cause no one understands them)

#13: I am a proud fan of Westlife. (still)

#14: I love designing my own stuff

#15: I have paper wallets

#16: I don’t wear sleeveless

#17: I have a soft touch for old folks

#18: I like Koi cafe’s Milk tea

#19: I like big-faced watches

#20: I like brown bags
#21: I dislike soft toys

#22: I recycle, reuse, and reduce

#23: I cant bring myself to waste papers (thats why i doodle-alot-)

#23: Im a morning person

#24: I prefer sneakers than shoes/flip flops/heels

#25: I value punctuality

#26: I have a thing for stationeries

#27: I like baggy shirts ’cause it hides my tummy. HAHAHA

#28: I love rope skipping

#29: I love dancing

#30: I love to irritate my sister!

this is just a "copy-and-paste-and-change-a-little" from joan's blog. hahahahahahaha.

2009-07-11T22:36:00.000-07:00

MY FIRST RANDOM OUTING WITH MY NEW MEHMEHs

chanel-proud of creating her own brand of milk. mixing all powders in starbucks into the milk. lol
jin's response
and this was my response

her own response- trying to show she enjoys it. haha

final shot with my sheep(:

i enjoyed talking with all of you! haha(:

2009-07-10T10:53:00.000-07:00

im so glad to spend quality time with my shepherd today. went to drink my long lost milk tea with super chewy pearl at toa payoh. and for God knows how many donkey years have i not taken a picture like that with my shepherd. xinru enjoyed herself today(:

2009-07-10T10:32:00.000-07:00

an evening

a walk with

my God

a sincere reflection in my life.

till i see you face to face

and grace amazing takes me home

i trust in you.

2009-07-07T07:33:00.000-07:00

its all in the way you look through your eyes

2009-06-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

just look at this pervert. my brother. just for laughs.

it seems like no one knew he was there.

2009-06-26T00:34:00.000-07:00

another angry post.
我为这些身命感到不值。
looking across North, i felt a sense of discontent.
i haven't had this kind of strong discontent for a long time. and i know this time it isn't only a feeling.

How much effort did people put in to call you for service? to "plead you" to come so that you can come and know the true meaning to life?
How much effort did people who brought you to church make when they went around for house visitations under the hot sun?
How much effort did people put in to share the bridge diagram to you again and again just that you will come to realise how great their God is and that He's waiting for you?
How much effort did the person ,you feel irritated by, make every saturday to wait for you under your house just to make sure you dont miss out on God's presence and God's word?
How much effort did the person who took care of you put in when he/she travels down from wherever they are to wherever you stay everyday just to meet you and make sure you are walking right with God?
How much effort? How much effort?

and all that we did? all we did was to make that effort stop right HERE.

no more of CAREgroup
no more of genuine love and concern
no more of sacrifices
no more of being a community
we wait to be loved, wait to be served, wait for people to bless us, wait for something to be done.
it seems like we dont care anymore.
we dont care bout the people who are lost in this messy world we live in.
we forgotten how we were welcomed into the first ever caregroup we went, we forgotten how it feels to bless others, we forgotten that the greatest story of love doesn't stop HERE. No, it can't stop at us. it shouldn't stop at us. it mustn't stop HERE.

the world is for us to win. God is waiting for your move to turn this world upside down.
at the same time, the devil is ready to pounce on you when you do that.
i dont know bout you, but Im not gonna sit here and wait till Jesus comes back.
i may not be sure of my plans, my steps to success, but i wanna do something for Jesus. one thing for sure, it's much better than sitting on the couch.

2009-06-05T10:31:00.000-07:00

2009-06-03T08:39:00.000-07:00

out with christine yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my first "shopping spree" for the year.
dont know how many donkey years have i not stepped out of my tiny little world to hit the streets. i realised many things have changed. heeren is not as crowded as it used to be. and in my entire life, i went far east only thrice. but no matter what, i wanna THANK YOU CHRISTINE! for initiating this shopping spree for me! hahaha. go get your pay soon(: and i'll see you in your new stuff in due time. (yes, that BLUE BAG).
though we didnt talk much, i really appreciate your presence and enjoyed the time.

2009-05-31T09:45:00.000-07:00

MY FIRSTS.

my first time seeing ke jing running towards me saying "im so blessed, im so blessed, im so blessed!"

my first time seeing brandon so discontented with what was happening in his group at that time.

my first time seeing sherry say "i DONT wanna see chung cheng have a spiritual funeral." with such conviction,

my first time seeing the sparkle in junkai's eye when we discussed about this thing called "COMPASSION" in caregroup.

my first time seeing yuwen cry and tell me "xinru, i dont know what can i do anymore. im crying because im crying for chung cheng..."

God, all these lives, i pray with my entire being, you use them Lord, as they avail themselves to you.

2009-05-31T07:22:00.000-07:00

CCHY, i was just thinking.... maybe five years down the road, we'll all look at this photo and smile cause we have seen one another grow and mature along the way.

IM so so so so so HAPPY.

so so so so so LONG since i had such a fun time with my friends.

(much less this bunch of crazy people of this bigbig family im in)

IM just so so so so so so HAPPY.

NORTH ANNIVERSARY

nothing went well from the start all the way till the doors were opened to welcome the screaming crowd who were all crammed and waiting for close to 20mins outside. (which is near the toilet, stuffy, smelly-but thats from their own pespiration i guess- and unimaginably HOT.) like i said, nothing went well.

not till our dearest MCs, joanhoe and weikeat took the stage with their amazing hosting skills- amazing skills of suan-ing each other and engaging the crowd at the same time. good eh?-

joshua who led the "who wants to be a millionaire?"

yes, the yummy five course meal we had.

davidhoe who made some people's market value drop to the max, showing their CUIest photos to everyone in north for COC.

the craziest side of the CLs the members had ever seen as we all danced to xiao zhu's cheng yao and okgo(yes, i cant believe i did that too)

followed by "why i love north"

the UNFALTERING video which touched many and made Sharlene tear as we viewed north's history in silence. "yes, and this word UNFALTERING is what makes NORTH NORTH" ended davidhoe.

and our LONG awaited NORTH got TALENT.

我最爱的DANCERS! joshua(affectionately called "ah zun"), emanuel, justin,junkai, yilin, vivien, clara, rachel. you guys did an awesome job. those practices at neesoon cc, using the pathetic reflection of the badminton place really really paid off. thank you for taking your time to turn up so faithfully for practices and trying your best to pick up new generes of dance. you guys rocked the stage man!

the singers, yongqing and debbie who wowed the crowd with your amazing vocals. not forgetting davidsentosa and vincent, and our very own North F4.

the band. a must say, cause only the day before anniversary, after all the panic, they found drums that can be transported to NP alumni house. ALL OF YOU ROCKED THE HOUSE DOWN MAN. it was like some concert or something. Brandon, cyril, nicholas, jiajun, jianhao, leonard. you guys made the crowd HIGH to the max- imagine a whole lot of us standing and swaying our hands to the song- it was then we saw the rocker side in all of you. good job!

then.. PHOTOTAKING(:

lastly, i wanna say a hugeTHANKYOU to the team who set up everything for us. without them, the mikes wouldnt even have worked. xueyong, yongen, weikeat etc. zhishen who did the lights, yongen who clicked, xueyong who helped the dancers cut the songs etc. 辛苦你们了！

AND WANTING! who did the planning and stressed about it day and night. you made this possible:)

this was not just another event. by the grace of God, He turned this into a memorable day for all of us. this is a milestone for North. well done everyone.

the picture of everyone's backview as we walked/skipped/ran/chased each other down the dimly lit slope/road/street/whatever to the bus stop put a smile on my face. cause i saw everyone laughing, smiling. i heard the sound of laughter in the air, i felt the sense of joy thick around me. cause i saw differnt people from different units coming to attend north anniversay, and walked home as a FAMILY, knowing we are all in this race together(:

GOD, ONLY YOU CAN MAKE THIS POSSIBLE.

UNMISTAKABLY, IT'S YOU.

2009-05-21T10:19:00.000-07:00

PRAY AS IF YOU BELIEVED.

2009-05-14T01:31:00.000-07:00

好爱演，

好碍眼。

2009-05-12T08:43:00.000-07:00

i dont care.
we have all heard this for many times in our life
probably said it quite a number of times too. "I DONT CARE what it takes..." , "I DONT CARE what people say about me..." or "I DONT CARE! jesus i just wanna..." as i was browsing through a few people's blog and clicking onto their first few posts, i cant help but to realize that when we were young, these three words came easily. simply because we didnt know the consequences of saying that, or i should put it as- we have not yet been bitten by the harshness of reality and because of that we say that with utmost childlike innocence. or maybe (christian or not), we had always believed that there was just somebody "up there" who would help us out.

i dont know about you, but i hadnt heard these three words for a fairly long time. "is it because people had grown up? thought too much? seen too much that made us forget about this 3 words?" i asked God. many, i guess, will choose to shun away from this as much as possible. they dont know what to expect, they dont know what was in store. or rather they forgotten. we have all forgotten how to best bring out the essence of this 3 words.

That as much as these 3 words depict ignorance, it depicts our ridiculous trust in God.

2009-05-07T08:16:00.000-07:00

Lord you know my struggles,
Lord you i've done nothing to deserve your grace
yet in every facet of my life i see you leaving behind your imprints
God never once did you leave me in the slimy pits to struggle alone
You lifted me up
You lifted me higher than before
when i chose to obey,
i then realised the value of listening
when i chose to surrender,
i then saw the importance behind lifting my hands
when i chose to love
i then saw the reason of the cross
Lord, i saw you,
through all these entanglement of the episodes of my life,
i saw You.

to my dearest family: i loved that day at ikea. that sunday was the best-est simplest sunday ever. (i then realised how stupid am i - im the change agent - how simple)

2009-05-02T09:51:00.000-07:00

this is what lazy people like me like to do.
IF I WERE TO SUM IT ALL UP, I WOULD SAY THAT... this week has been a crazily divine week.
the 3 things i challenged chung cheng. LOVE. FAITH. BELIEVE. you guys know exactly what i mean. and today, FAITH, BELIEVE, REVIVAL. the 3 things pastor shirley mentioned. there's really nothing more to explain, i've got to live it out, you've got to live it out. this covenant we make. jiayou.

2009-04-23T23:57:00.000-07:00

There's two things I know for sure

She was sent here from heaven

And she's daddy's little girl

As I drop to my knees by her bed at night

She talks to jesus, and I close my eyes

And I thank God for all of the joy in my life

Oh, but most all for...

Butterfly kisses after bed time prayer

Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair

Walk beside the pony daddy;

its my first ride I know the cake looks funny daddy

But I sure tried

Oh with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right

To deserve a hug every morning

And butterfly kisses at night

Sweet sixteen today

She's looking like her mama a little more everyday

One part woman; the other part girl

To perfume and make up

From ribbons and curls

Trying her wings out in a great big world

But I remember...

Butterfly kisses after bed time prayer

Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair

You know how much I love you daddy

But if you don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time

Oh with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right

To deserve her love every morning

And butterfly kisses at night

All the precious time

Oh, like the wind the years go by

Precious butterfly

Spread your wings and fly

She'll change her name today

She'll make a promise and I'll give her away

Standing in the bride room just staring at her

She asked me what I'm thinking

And I said I'm not sure

I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl

She leaned over; gave me...

Butterfly kisses with her mama there

Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair

Walk me down the aisle daddy; it's just about time

Does my wedding gown look pretty daddy?

Daddy don't cry

Oh with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right

To deserve her love every morning

And butterfly kisses

I couldn't ask God for more

Man, this is what love is I know I've gotta let her go

But I'll always remember

Every hug in the morning

And butterfly kisses...

2009-04-23T22:30:00.000-07:00

this post is dedicated to Rachel Lim Zhi Yan of CCHY sec3E

i dont even know if you would ever see this.

just wanna say i miss those times i walked home together with you everyday.

crunching the dried leaves beneath our feet with every step we take.

munching the curry puffs we got from the back gate of sps.

lets take time out one day(: just to talk. i mean it.(:

2009-04-13T08:29:00.000-07:00

dearestdearest mighty, i will miss you. because we've grown as a team. because we've experienced crazy things together. cause we've laughed together. cause we've flared up at each other before. cause we've learnt to understand. cause we've learnt to be tolerant. cause we've became more matured. cause we've (literally)ran together. cause we've all panted, pulled and stretched, tried and tested, yet we've not given up yet.

we have yet did a full mini service together, we have yet gone to ben and jerry's for the 101th time, we have yet created out OWN NORTHBD BAND, we have yet experienced our 2nd camp together. but i wanna thank every single one of you for making a great impact in my life. serving God has never been as "roller-coaster-y"before.

not to forget DAVID HOE TECK CHYE

there's no MIGHTY without you. thank you or making every moment memorable. and investing in each and everyone of our lives. indeed, you're one leader i'll remember for long.

The rest, shall be written(:

2009-04-13T08:11:00.000-07:00

THANKFUL.

12APRIL2009.

it wasn't a much needed talk. but somehow i just asked joan out aft easter service. and it came as a surprise as she spontaneously agreed.

headed to Starbucks(again) and found her in a corner with a book. we started chatting bout our day. but as always, her listening ear is timely. haha. yes, thank God for you joanhoe.

13APRIL2009. today.

typical day aft school at BK. but during dinnertime i had a partial debate and discussion at yoshinoya with some others. longlong since i've taken time to speak and listen to other people's views on leadership. it turned out to be a really fruitful one.(: i really enjoyed my day.

thankyou jesus.

you made my day!

2009-04-02T03:11:00.000-07:00

a homework from my english teacher, a letter to my friend.
(some parts are changed so the compo can have more expressions)

to my soulmate, my bestest listener, my friend,
joan hoe
here's how it goes

"so how are you doing now?"
then began the thee hour long talk we had at Starbucks. wearing a bark blue wollen shirt with flip flops and her trademark brown leather bag, joan was dressed casually with her hair loosely tied back, strands of frayed hair nicely falling by the frame of her face. we were dressed similarly, just that i had all my hair down, with a brown thick-width hairband to keep my fringe in place.

as we entered Starbucks, we can hear the clatter of the ceramic glasses and the small talks, soft discussions over laptops and the coffee table. we found seats available, rushed over, threw our bags on the comfy armrests and slumped heavily into the seats as we heaved a sigh at the same time. we noticed that, and grinned. joan got up on her feet and offered to buy me a drink. she emerged back with two cups of mocha frappucino in her hands. the aroma of coffee beans drifted to my nose as i brought the drink towards my lips to take a sip. it has been long since we have done this, taking time out of our busy schedules to talk about just anything over a cup of coffee, ignoring the busy business crowds and the quick-paced footsteps in the mall.

it was not difficult to get started. we went on and on, pouring over lives to each other, filling in what we have done for the past few months. the coffee in the cup was quickly reducing as we half chatted and half debated about many topics and people that concerned us. but more than just that, we spoke of how we felt, expressed our thoughts and feelings freely, knowing that she will understand what we really mean without having to worry about the usage of words or the blunt phrasing of the statements we make.

the ice in the cup was melting. as i held up my mocha frappucino to finish off my last few sips of coffee, i noticed water rings on the table where the cup is. sucking up the little remainings of the coffee with my straw produced a wierd sound which made joan giggle. i gave her a wide grin, satisfied with the treat i had just given myself, and continued sharing.

as i shaed my struggles, she was more than attentive, nodding her head, dropping words like "yea, i understand..." at times. her gentle tone as she speaks assured me that the words she said were not pretense, but rather out of love and concern. at that moment i felt as if a burdern lifted from my shoulders. though the problems may not be resolved yet, but entrusting them to a loved one really helps. joan began sharing hers too. i did the same, assuring her that i am with her supporting her eventhough i cannot be physically there for her. it was getting late and the crowds in starbucks were starting to disappear. i let down my hair band and ruffled my hair, making my scalp feel more relaxed. we continued chatting until it was too late for us not to head home.

before we parted ways, we have each other a big bear hug, whispering words of encouragement and adding strength to each other.

the smell of coffee beans. the comfort of the armrest. the taste of mocha frappucino that is still lingering in my mouth. the words spoken. the assurance. i will never forget. thankyoujoan.

2009-03-24T07:42:00.000-07:00

its been longlong time since i've blogged. everytime i on my computer i contemplate whether should i or not. finally i've decided to blog up a post.

a random but interesting thought

the similarity between cameras and guns- they both shoot.

but the ultimate difference is what they leave behind.

while one leaves behind memories, the other leaves behind hurt.

which one am i to people i speak to daily?

2009-02-18T05:04:00.000-08:00

is it that we got too used of the good life we have now

that we dont bother to seek for the better?

being back in school made me ponder so much more about the world.

the thing is this, if people can get so mad about being cheated by NKF of their money that they vandalise the walls of NKF to express their anger just to get a little bit of justice for themselves; i think they need to feel much more injustice for themselves that satan has robbed away their eternity, robbed them of living life to the fullest and yet they do not feel a slightest pity for themselves. i emphatize them for that, and it's not them that we can blame, cause no one offered to tell them about this present called- ETERNITY.

yet, what i want to say is this:

christians, we carry an important message to the friends around us.

Do something.

are we?

am I?

-xinru

2009-01-25T23:36:00.000-08:00

333.

as i was using the computer somewhere last week, my sis was trying hard to figure out the numbers to open her lock. three numbers meaning there is only 1/999 chance to open the lock. so she was thinking the numbers out loud, and her voice really bothered me from my thoughts. aft 10mins, i said "aiya, 333 la, Godly number mah" my sis actually didnt want to turn to that number cause she thinks it should be something related to her long time ago friend. but since she was in a desperate position, she tried. so surprisingly, it worked! haha, she decided to try a few more times before believing it. moral of the story: no metter the circumstance,. when God is in the picture, everything works(:

2009-01-08T05:11:00.000-08:00

silence.

it's only when you stop to listen, you will start to hear the voice of the lord almighty.

a walk in the park, a stroll on the beach, a corner of your house can be holy ground if you avail your heart to God.

God will lead us to lie down on the green pastures, beside still waters, His gentle voice of guidiance always by our side saying "never will i leave you, never will i forsake you".

it was never easy serving God, and it will not get any easier this coming year.

for this very reason, God promise us His presence.

and the knowledge of His presence is all that matters(:

1 Kings 19:11-12 (New International Version)
11 The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.

it not the wow factor of what you hear from God, but the action plan you put into accomplishing it. my God is in that whisper, i want to be ready to listen.

2008-12-23T04:52:00.000-08:00

my msm conversation with rebecca neo just now. and this is what she illustrated to me.

u know, everyday every single moment, satan is like stabbing ppl who dont know God. u imagine, stab stab stab. their lives are ruined u know, by sin. by evil desires.
like that image is really... unbearable for me. i cant stand ppl living like that. with satan trying to stab stab stab.
at that time i really felt this... PAIN in my heart. it was like a slice of God's pain when He sees people like that.
stab stab stab.

people, pause and think bout this for a moment.

2008-12-23T02:58:00.000-08:00

my simple reason for not blogging: i was too lazy to do so!
it has been a well 20 days i've not posted. and now my fingers are itchy to start typing on the keyboard again. due to my well known "sickness" of short term memory, i've absolutely forgotten what i've done from the 5th to 12th of december.

HEROES 13-16th
my sixth camp! yet for each and every camp i have, i pray for God to renew my spirit, to let me recieve His word like a child and to a higher extent. i definetely do have my convictions, God definetely did spoke to me, but words are just words if i dont practice what i preach. So, im making a commitment to God this time as people close to my heart keep me accountable of my convictions. thankyou Jesus for your faithfulness in my life(:

MALAYSIA 16-20th
left campsite at 5am on the forth day and headed to malaysia with my family. it was not very enjoyable as i was down with flu and headache on the 2nd night there and the sickness lasted for 4 days, even as i reached my hometown. and as i was having flu in m'sia, the y-dancers are having a class with the hope Brisbane dancers! ahhh! But as i reminded myself of how important it is to spend quality time with my family members, i knew why God placed me in m'sia. and so i have to stop whining to God and get back on track.

SINGAPORE
i thank God for all those who fasted and prayed for the harvest on the 19th. 辛苦你们了！sorry for not being able to be there. for all of you who went down to the schools: good job!

throughout all these, one thing clear is that of the holy spirit's voice that kept me from flaring up, throwing my temper, keeping me sane, and pusing me gently to acknowledge that jesus is the giver of peace. (:

2008-12-04T08:45:00.000-08:00

Letters From War

She walked to the mailbox

On that bright summer's day

Found a letter from her son

In a war, far away

He spoke of the weather

And the friends that he'd made

Said, "I'd been thinking 'bout Dad

And the life that he had

That's why I'm here today"

Then at the end he said

"You are what I'm fighting for"

It was the first of his letters from war

She started writing

You're good and you're brave

What a father that you'll be someday

Make it home, make it safe

She wrote every night as she prayed

And late in December

A day she'll not forget

Oh, her tears stained the paper

With every word that she read

It said, "I was up on a hill I was out there alone

When the shots all rang out

And bombs were exploding

And that's when I saw him

He came back for me

And Though he was captured

A man set me free

And That man was your son

He asked me to write to you I told him I would, oh I swore

" It was the last of the letters from war

And she prayed he was living

Kept on believing and wrote every night just to say

You are good and you're brave

What a father that you'll be someday

Make it home, make it safe

So, she kept writing each day

Then two years later

Autumn leaves all around

A car pulled in the driveway

And she fell to the ground

And out stepped a captain

Where her boy used to stand He said,

"Mom, I'm following orders

From all of your letters And I've come home again"

He ran in to hold her,

And dropped all his bags on the floor

Holding all of her letters from war

2008-11-28T09:01:00.000-08:00

safe.

thats all i felt throughout these few days when im sick.

never was not even a time i felt not well taken care of in this family of God.

in fact, much much more than i could ever think about.

weird combination? it still tastes sweet (: thank you joyce

huanwen! haha, yea, my secret admirer. thanks alot (:

there's nothing more i can say other than thank you.it's the first time in my entire life that someone, other than my mum, took me to the clinic.and the first time i got cheated into going to the doc's.(i guess no one would ever try doing that)

and the miss mastermind? my dear shepherd, joyce. (:

thank you for all the prayers too (: i really appriciated it.

2008-11-26T08:59:00.000-08:00

i seriously miss the girls ):

Horribly. Terribly.

these are the exact words i wanted to post. and i found this on joan's blog.

2008-11-24T04:44:00.000-08:00

God,
just a drop is enough.
enough to heal me from my pain
enough to free me from my sins
enough to strengthen me in times of weakness
enough to fill me with faith beyond imagination
enough, just enough for me.
my jehovah jireh:)

2008-11-19T07:41:00.000-08:00

i just wanna sing this again:

dear God, we want to thank you so

for giving such a great treasure

with love and care she showered us

and we want to proudly proclaim that we

all love joyce tan!

joyce was just meeting me up for shepherding this evening and i was pouring out my thoughts, feelings and troubles to her. this shepherding was not a good one to start with, cause of many concerns that were weighing me down. i haven't had a good chat with anyone for quite a period for time already, and in this whole entire month, this was the only talk that i was proud of. (: after i threw out all that rubbish in my heart, i felt much better. joyce brought me to fair price after shepherding and bought 2 cans of cappucino, 2 cans of mocha, and a loaf of milk bread- my all time favourites. her desperate attempt to convince me that those were for her parents failed, big time, when i told her i was just acting alongside her throughout the time in fairprice as she passed to me before i left for home. but nevertheless, (this is for you joyce) shepherd tan, you never fail to cheer me up when im down, to know when i need time alone and when i need someone to be there, see through me when i say "nothing",...

thank you joyce tan.

p.s. the rest will be on card:)

2008-11-09T23:36:00.000-08:00

CG outing on 6th nov

i thank God for the weather cause when we planned this outing, many warned us bout the weather.but God held back the rain:)

the best part was where people started to go missing and the thing is that we realised only when we stopped at the jetty- so we went to look for them round the whole area.

cycled on to changi and back to the bicycle shop.

we took bus 13, knowing that it'll take us to yio chu kang. but aft quite a long ride and much crapping in the bus, we realised we're at potong pasir.

so, yea, saw a familiar place-J8- and immediately alighted. when alighting, the bus uncle told us it takes another 1hr to get to yio chu kang!

it was crazy, but fun though. :D

2008-10-27T09:11:00.000-07:00

jeremiah 33:3

call to me and i will answer you and tell you

great and unsearchable things you do not know.

i've been on a "book spree" for this 2 weeks. and im currently reading the 3rd book in my 2nd week, titled "Drawing Near". though im only at the first few chapters of the book, God already spoke to me in many areas of my life, and time and again, He has proven Himself real every time i chose to obey.

back to the book:

one thing that struck me was this. we often pray for God to increase our hunger for Him. but the truth is this.

our hunger is never determined by God. It's determined by us.

God looks for those who are dilligent in spirit, who will seek and persue, even if it takes tenacious persistance. we have nothing to lose and everything to gain when we seek God with all our heart.

and many times all we lack is the heart of immense desire that throws away every single bit of procrastinating spirit in us.

God promised us that He will draw near to us when we draw near to Him!

He never pushes His way into our heart.(duh, God's a gentleman)

remember this, that we are the ones who determine our hunger, not God.

how do we gain that hunger then? it all depends on what we feed on.

if we always feed ourselves with the things of the world, we would naturally quench our thirst with the things of the world. and likewise happens when we feed ourselves with the word of God:)

i believe that God has a word for everyone of us. all we need to do is to pick up the call, get our hearts settled down and ready to hear from Him

333. lets have a chat with God today.

2008-10-25T10:16:00.000-07:00

after much consideration, i decided to blog up this post at this time of the day.
yesterday's intercession was DUPER cool.
i was quite nervous cause its the first time for me leading worship in a new enviornment. and for viv to play the guitar too(and she's becoming better in skills by the day)
i guess God has prepared all of the ppl's heart throughout the day to recieve a word from Him that night. when the worship started, the presence of God was already tangible, and everyone was more than ready to worship God.
we prayed for more than an hour, yet it was not that draggy kind of prayer, but prayers filled with faith and hope.
interceeded also for many areas of the church, not only youth ministry.
it was really a great experience for me yesterday, not just because the worship was good, but the presence of God was there that made the worship great.

we will not give up on ppl, not until the very last minute.
FREEDOM! FREEDOM! FREEDOM!
God is moving!

2008-10-22T05:46:00.002-07:00

a cup of coffee on the table and a good book in hand.
heavenly.

有时，我们应该停下脚步，听听四周的声音，用心去体验周围的点点滴滴；
有时，我们都应该学着怎么珍惜；
有时，放慢脚步，你才能体验到生命中的完美。

if God were to invite you to have a cuppa coffee with Him today,
what would your response be?
would you accept His invitation?
or brush Him aside saying you have more work to be done?
Or you may gladly sit on His lap, His voice, ever so gentle asking you about your life?
Brothers and sisters,
sit back, relax, and enjoy.

2008-10-18T22:52:00.001-07:00

xinru has to have SPIRITUAL CONFIDENCE!
one thing i am really convicted in is this, that we are in a spirit led ministry.
this statement is so DUH, but dont overlook the importance of the knowledge of this truth. it's not bout your charisma,excitement,or your energy, its bout asking God where you should lead your group.

I NEED SPIRITUAL CONFIDENCE, AND IT COME FROM SEEKING GOD.

2008-10-15T05:01:00.000-07:00

3 letters, WOW. :) they are real good:)

2008-10-05T22:55:00.000-07:00

3 things i was blessed with on saturday and sunday
i didn't have money left on sat when david met the mighty five up.

nonetheless, he 自掏腰包 and bought a cup of mocha:)

sun- studied the whole day. started to have flu around 7plus.

thank God for wan ting who gave me the hot drink,

david who bought the panadol for me

joshua who passed me the 18 tissue packets in the plastic bag:)

i cant speak much that night but thank you and more thank you's.

but really, it meant a lot to me:)

2008-09-19T01:07:00.000-07:00

oh, you can read bout the personality more when you click on the blue thing.

these songs just came into my mind as i was staring into space

"HALLELUJAH. FOR ALL YOU'VE DONE."

"WHAT CAN I DO, BUT THANK YOU."

"PRAISE HIM PRAISE HIM PRAISE HIM IN EVERYTHING."

"I'VE GOT THE JOY, I'VE GOT THE PEACE OF MIND, I'VE GOT THE FAITH IN THE HOLY GHOST THAT FILLS ME EVERYDAY......"

do you have joy in doing what you are doing?

when you sing the songs above, do you dare to sing it in the midst of storms?

JOY- that happes only when Jesus is in the picture.

I am an Independent Thinker

2008-09-19T01:04:00.001-07:00

2008-09-12T04:50:00.000-07:00

never give up
cause the surest way to lose is to quit